HT Abridged
by Commander3428961
Summary: Hellsing abridged, with some assistance from the Family Grim! Watch as Alucard pisses off, every single living (and dead) thing he can possibly find!
1. Chapter 1

(Yes. I'm so pathetic, and impatient for others to respond to my challenge, that I'm actually taking part in my own challenge. Don't worry, you all can submit your own stories from your own accounts, nothing about the challenge has changed, I'm just taking part in it myself, cause I can't wait on you guys any longer. As I said, in another story, I'm an impatient man-whore.)

In a house in London, two people (who were cheap knock-offs of vampires) were making out. The woman said, "I love you Edward." Edward replied, "And I love you, Bella." Knock on the door, "Who is it?"

A voice said, "Oh, you know." A whole thirty-seven shots, were fired into Edward's body (A/N: He deserved it.) A man, in all red said, "A REAL, fucking Vampire."

Outside, a girl stood on the roof. Alucard asked her, "Hey, Police girl, do you have the target?"

The Police Girl said, "Okay, Master? My NAME is Seras! And yes, I have the target in sight." The target was running. She was surprisingly fast, for a cheap knock off Vampire.

On the left of the building, a young skeleton said, in a thick Scottish accent, "Okay. Now Police Girrel, focus. This target might no' be, a TRUE Vampire, but she's still somewha' dangerous. Now, prepare t-"

Alucard interrupted. He said, "Sorry Nephew, but the Police Girl might want to take the shot. You're kinda letting the target, get away."

Police Girl replied, "Maybe if you'd give me a second to CONCENTRATE!"

The skeleton Grim Junior said, "Alright Police Girl, jus' focus and take the shot."

Alucard said, "Getting away! She's RUNNING!"

Police Girl said, "I get it! I'm lining up the-"

Alucard "Going to miss it! Going to miss it!" He was enjoying this.

Junior said, "Uncle, I will take my Da's Scythe, and CUT YOUR DAMN HEAD OFF WITH IT!" (A/N: For those wondering why it's Da, and not Dad well, that's how they say it in Scotland and Ireland. Yeah, they don't say Dad, they say Da. P.S. It's the same for Mom and Ma.)

The Crimson coated Nosferatu replied, "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" He then yelled, "Hey Police Girl! Hey! Hey Police Girl!"

Then she shot the target. The target died. P.G. Yelled, "There! I took the Fucking Shot! She's dead! There's blood everywhere!"

Junior said, "Uncle Alucard, my Ma already yelled at Ye once, three years ago. Sear Integra, yelled at Ye every damn day! Now, she's gonna have FIVE HUNDRED MORE REASONS, TO YELL AT YE!"

Alucard said, "Oh, you are both just treats." Yes. He was enjoying it.

Alucard, you want to take it?

 **Alucard:** Sure, let's start, at the Goddamn beginning!

 **ONE WEEK EARLIER**

Now, I'm sure you're all wondering how all this came about. Well, my nephew and niece, wonderful employees of Hellsing for nine years (Not telling that story, go read it yourself, pisshead!) went on a walk with me. An enthusiastic walk through the woods. The air was clear. The moon was full! I was dying to sink my teeth, into something. Get it? Cause I'm a vampire!

Anyway, my nephew said, "Uncle Alucard, as much as Minnie and I enjoy, our lit'le walks with Ye... Ye ever stop to think, that it MIGH' get Ye fired?"

I responded with, "Never happened before, even Integra can't get rid of me that easily!" Which considering my dislike for the bitch, is kinda interesting I said that.

Then, some dick in priest robes said, "So you came. Too bad, you're already far too late."

I had no idea, what the hell he was talking about. I asked, "What?"

He said, "Everyone else, is already dead. Except for this little tart." He said holding, a DAMN SEXY Police Girl hostage. He continued, "But I still intend to kill her."

Out of boredom, I said, "Mm-hmm." My niece was totally jealous of the Police Girl. If you've seen, what the Police Girl looks like, you know why.

But she said, "Uncle Alucard! You cannot leave this girl, to die!" You know, for the children of the Reaper, these two care WAY too much for the living.

The priest douche said, "But first, I'm going to RAPE this girl!"

I said "Neat."

My nephew said, "Uncle, I know what yer doin'. But for God's sake, DON'T! JUS' ONCE, DON'T!" Wait, did he really know what I was doing? Meh. He knows, he's Scottish. No one EVER knows, what an angry Scot is saying.

 **ME:** Thank you, Alucard. For insulting the ENTIRE country of Scotland. If any Scottish people are still reading this, I apologize. If you want to imagine yourself, punching my face, I understand.

 **Alucard:** I STILL don't give a fuck, however!

 **ME:** YOU WOULDN'T! On with the story!

 **Alucard:** Kay.

So,the priest douche says, "But before I can do any of that... I'M GOING TO KILL YOU THREE!"

Junior just went, "pfft!" Minnie simply shrugged it off. I said, "Oh? See, that would be intimidating if you were... Well intimidating!"

He asked, "Are you mocking me?,!"

I said, "Oh no! No, no, no, no,no... Pfft yeah!" Then I shot him, to the tune of "Shot through the Heart!" He died, and I was ready to go home.

I said, "That should wrap things up, here!" Then I heard choking. Minnie gave me, a hating look, and Junior wrapped his boney hand around my throat.

Then he said, "Don't tell the 'ever honorable' Vampire King, is just gonna leave an innocent woman to die!"

I responded "Fine!" I turned to her, and said, "Look sorry about the whole 'shooting you' thing, but I'm sure if you look deep into your heart... Which is currently all over that tree-"

Junior and Minnie yelled in unison "Uncle Alucard!"

Then I turned, and said, "Just staring the obvious, kids. Grim may hate this, but I don't." I turned to the Police Girl and said, "You'll find a way to forgive me." She chocked again. I said, "Ah jeez. You look like a puppy! A blonde Eviscerated puppy!" Minnie stabbed my lower hip, and Junior chocked me again. Then, the Police Girl, chocked again! I said "Christ! Fine! I'll help you! But only because you got nice tits."

 **ME:** Again, anyone offended I'm sorry... But you all know, how Alucard is. Plus, if there are any real women who are jealous of the Police Girl, remember you chose to the read the story. Anyone upset by the whole "nice tits" remark... I have no idea, how to apologize to you but I'm trying to. Do remember, I hate offended women, but I AM a man. So, sorry. On with it. If Alucard says he doesn't give a fuck, keep in mind... He never does.

 **Alucard:** Yeah, thanks! Audience, the Commander apologizes. I STILL, don't give a fuck.

So, I called up my boss, Integra. Who says, "So, that's your 'field report?" I said, "yep." you three went on a walk through the forest at midnight..." I said, "Yep." She said, "You killed, a homicidal vampire priest..." I said, "Dead." Integra, "And turned someone into a vampire. Someone who happened to be a big-" I finished, "Big tittied Police Girl. Yes! As if I didn't just get through explaining this! Now if you don't mind, I got things to do."

Integra, "What things?! You don't DO things!" I said, "Yeah I do! I take my relatives, on long enthusiastic walks, through the woods." Integra, "And kill homicidal vampire priests, with them?" I retorted "VERY enthusiastic walks."

 **ONE WEEK LATER**

 **Alucard:** Alright, Commander, you take it back.

 **ME:** Thanks. You Romanian Vampiric bastard.

Alucard calls Integra. She said, "So that's your 'field report?'" Alucard replied, "Yep." Integra asks, "You broke into the house..." Alucard, "Yep." Integra, "You shot him thirty-six times..." Alucard "THRTY-SEVEN!" Integra, "Professor Grimskull threatened your life, with his father's ethereal weapon..." Alucard "Probably fifth time I've said this today, but I don't give a fuck." Integra, "And then you proceeded to take out his partner?" Alucard, "That was the Police Girl. With the big titties." Integra, "You NEED to stop going on walks, look, you three have an assignment in Ireland." Alucard, "OOH! Leprechaun hunting! You think if I shoot them, Lucky Charms will spill all over the place?" Integra, " Just get to Ireland, kill the vampire who's taken over the hospital, and take the Police Girl with you!"

Meanwhile, in Italy.

Father Anderson asked, "So, what can I do for you, Father O'Connell O'Carol O'Riley O'Brian O'Malley O'Sullivan? Who is also Italian?" The Irish priest hated people on his property. But Iscariot reigns supreme. Because God, reigns supreme.

Father (to save time) Irish/Italian, "Tell me, Anderson. What is your favorite thing, to do?"

The Irish priest replied, "Spreadin' the word and love of Jesus Christ, to the many people of the world! Teaching peace, and kindness for all!"

Irish/Italian, "And killing vampires?"

Anderson declared "Jus' try to fucking stop me!"

Irish/Italian "And what about... Protestants?"

Anderson, "Second verse, same as the first! Now put me on a plane, so I can put 'em in a herse!"

In Ireland, Alucard and the siblings were killing off some ghouls.

Alucard declared, " Hey Police Girl! You should totally get in here! This is awesome! There's like forty zombies in here! One shot to the head and they explode!"

Police Girl jumped in. She yelled, "Fine! I'll shoot some of the rotten bastards! Can't be that much fun." She shot one, and it changed her mind.

She said, "Oh fuck the hell yes!" She killed a lot more ghouls, in a lot less time. The siblings were certainly surprised.

Junior said, "Well, Vampirism is 'aving an effect on the Police Girrel. A bloodlust."

Alucard said, "Yep. Being a vampire, gives a blood lust as big, as the Police Girl's tits."

Minnie said "Mon Dieu! Zhis girl is changing faster Zhan a butterfly cocoon!"

Then bayonets, went through the Police Girl's back.

Alucard "Oh. Suddenly it wreaks of HYPOCRISY in here! Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church! And what's this? No little Timmy glued to your crotch? Progress!"

Anderson replied, " Oh, and look what we have here! A bloody heathen!"

Alucard, "Excuse me, but I'm a fuck-mothering vampire! I killed a lot of people, and had to drink a LOT of blood, to gain this title! I will be called as such!"

Anderson , "Your name?"

Alucard, "Only if you give yours first, Papist!"

Integra was informed of the situation, and decided to intervene.

Alucard's head got cut off, and while the girls ran away, Junior held off Anderson.

He said, "Been a while, since I fought an Irishman."

The Priest replied, "Oh a Scot! The Reaper's son no less! Well..." He held up his bayonets, "Say hi, to your Da for me!"

(A few minutes later,)

Junior fell into his sister's arms. Minnie yelled, "Fére!" (A/N:Fére means brother in French.)

Anderson showed up, ready to kill them, when his swords shattered! Integra had shot them.

She said, "These children, below to me."

Anderson "Well, aren't you the naughty one."

Yeah, you know how it goes. Body guards killed, siblings and Police Girl get ready to fight, Anderson thinks he's won.

Integra, "Where the hell is Alucard?" Anderson, "Killed him!" Integra, "Killed him?" Anderson, "Cut off his bloody head!"

Integra smirked, as she said, "Oh? Well, that's step one." Her tone become playful, "What about two through ten?"

Anderson said in fear, "Oh Christ!" Alucard was back.

Alucard, "You done goofed."

Anderson "How the blood-soaked, Protestant Hell, did you do that?"

Alucard, "Fuck you, that's how." He readied himself to fight, when Anderson disappeared.

He turned and said, "What the fuck, happened to Junior?" The boney Scotsman replied, "Fuck Ye! I just the Rivers, and I'll be fine!"

Alucard then asked, "So... Do I get to go after him?!"

Integra and Junior (Unison) "No!"

Integra said, "We have bigger things to worry about. Whoever's creating this artificial vampires... Has to be some kind of large, organized group."

Alucard, "Like the Nazis?"

Integra "That would be retarded."

Junior agreed, "Yes. All the Nazis, who aren't deceased, are in prison."

Meanwhile, a man in a white suit stood above, 1,000 soldiers.

He said, "Gentlemen... Ve... Are Nazis!"

Soldiers "Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler!"

Man in suit, "Und Ve... We love war!"

Soldiers "Sieg Heil! Seif heil!

He sneezed

Soldiers "Gesundheit! Gesundheit!"

(A/N: There's the abridged! I'll get to chapter two, once ALL of my other stories pick up a higher audience. For now, goodbye!)


	2. Episode 2: Bullet from your Valentine

(Okay, this is going to be the last abridged chapter for a while. I have other stories to work on, and I've been giving the Grim Tales stories, far too much attention. So, hence, I got other stuff to do.)

Integra answered the phone. She said, "Hello, Alucard. How was your mission, in Japan?"

Alucard replied, "Meh. It was all sentimental, for that 'Chi' bitch. But actual status, I'd say 99..." We see a zombie pounding on a gate, "Point 9 percent done. 'Sup bitch?"

Integra declared, "I need to talk to you, about some important guests, coming over today."

Alucard asked, "Are they hookers?" He felt he needed to ask.

Integer was incredibly annoyed. Why, was he always like this? She said, "No." In annoyed tone.

Alucard asked, "Is it anyone of my surrogate family, or anyone of the other Underlords?" He loved shooting the Underlords. It was fun, to just keep shooting 'em. His family... He loved them all... But there was ONE... That give him an emotion, he had hadn't felt in a long time. Fear. That one, was Grim's wife, Mandy.

Integra replied, annoyed, "For their sakes, and yours, no."

The Blood Red Bastard of Britain said, "And like that, you've lost me."

Integra sighed, "They're our financial suppliers, and advisors."

Alucard yelled, "Aw man. They have to HATE us!"

Integra confirmed, "They do. Which is why, they recently canceled, our budget."

Alucard replied, "Ooh. That's bad. We need that right? Walter, we need that, right?"

The foul mouthed butler confirmed, "Yes, Sir. Most important."

Alucard, "Okay. I know you've got something, that you probably need to bribe for, so what is it?"

Integra told him, "Over the years, we've had some expensive claims. Property damage..."

They flashed back, to when London was on fire. Alucard cause a massive fire, in London, and it burnt a few things.

The Nosferatu said, "Good times."

Integra continued, "Dozens of noise complaints."

A heavy metal song, could be heard from Alucard's record player. The Vampire said, "Sorry! Can't hear you!"

Integra went on, "Killing at least a dozen, innocent people."

This time, Junior countered Integra. The Scotsman said, "Far be it, for me to defend, Uncle Alucard, when he does things like tha'... But two words... Heath Ledger. He did the same thing, met his death, and won an oscar for it." It was true. Heath Ledger, won an Oscar after his death.

Integra finished, "And... Over 4,452.1 accounts, of a 'man in a red trench coat's, sexual harassment."

Alucard replied, "I'm not apologizing."

Junior yelled, "Ye never do!"

Integra said, "I know this is a lot, to ask of you, but..."

Alucard finished, "But..."

Integra declared, "I want you, to keep yourself locked in the basement, until ALL OF THEM ARE GONE!"

Alucard smiled. He joked, "I get the distinct impression, that your embarrassed of me. First, my beloved 'big bro' Grim, and now you."

Integra grunted, "Alucard..."

The Vampire said, "I'm gonna go with... No..."

Junior said, "Uncle Alucard, Sear Integra, as well as myself, agree that Ye don't 'ave, the best track record. So, to save time, why don't Ye jus' tell us, wha' it is, that Ye wan'. Can Ye do tha'?"

Integra gave in. She said, "Indeed. Alucard... What must I give you, to keep you down here, for the evening?"

Alucard said, "I'm gonna need, a new gun. Also, something for Junior and the girls. Plus, a new gun for the Police Girl."

Police Girl said, "But I already HAVE, a gun."

Alucard said, "Get that bitch a cannon! Bitches LOVE cannons!"

Junior smart-assedly said, "Ye would know."

Integra asked, "Anything else?"

Alucard declared, "A seventy-inch... Plasma, wide screen TV."

Integra asked, "Really?"

Alucard said, "With Netflix." Asking for the full package.

Junior shouted, "Ye costed us, a quar'er o' a billion doe-lars... Killed more people, than my Da on a drunk Reaping spree... And when we ask Ye, wha' we can bribe Ye with... YE CHOOSE A DAMN, 4,000 DOE-LAR TV?!"

Alucard said, "Nephew, I'm ME! What, would you expect?!"

(Roll opening theme.)

Integra sits in her chair in the conference room, and looked forward. She said, "Hello gentlemen, and thank you for accepting my invitation."

Sir Penwood, the coward of the Round Table, said, "Well, considering the direness of your financial security, we felt it was the least we could do."

Integra replied, "Now, before we begin, I was under the impression that our budget was handled DIRECTLY, by Queen Elizabeth."

Sir Islands, Leader of the Round Table, replied, "Oh, it is. However, the Twelve of us, the British Security AND JUSTICE Council, are having a hard time justifying, some of these expenses!"

Penwood explained, "Most of them under the name... Alucard?"

Integra sighed, "Continue."

Sir Islands replied, "For example, most of them were frankly labeled... Entertainment."

Integra asked, "Entertainment?" She was confused, as to what the hell that could mean.

One of the Council said, "Quite. Like in my report. Twenty thousand for a... Candi?"

Another said, "That's Candi with an 'I' by the way."

Integra replied, "I see." She was annoyed.

Sir Islands then said, "Not to mention the priceless antique car. I believe the note on the claim was... 'I was going to use it, to go see my bro, Grim. But, it needed. I thought I could paint it red, but I can't find enough Goats. So I scrapped it."

Integra replied, "So THAT'S why we found my father's car, covered in Goat Blood and rammed into a Diary Queen."

Sor Penwood said, "Oh yes! Then there's also the Diary Queen. Sitting at about 25,000 for the..."

Integra thought _I will do fucking ANYTHING right now, to get out of this!_

Then, outside the gate, two men were walking up. One said, "And so half-way through blowing me, the fuckin' hooker OD's on Heroine!"

The other says, "I REALLY don't like discussing my ex-girlfriend with you."

The first one replied, "I mean I still finished, but what kind of shit is that!"

The other said, "For God's sakes Jan! Think of Mother!"

Jan replied, "I ain't jerking off right now."

Then, they bust down the doors and attack.

In the conference room, Islands says, "And while the Mime DID survive, he'll never walk again!"

Then the lights started flickering. Then Penwood said, "That's funny. We weren't cutting the power, just YET."

Integra declared, "Oh shit!" She taped down on her phone, and said, "Front desk report!"

Front desk reported. Escape chopper explodes, Communications freaks out.

Integra calls Alucard and says, "Alucard, get up here, NOW! I'm locked in with the Committee on the third floor and-"

Alucard interrupted, "Okay, I'm gonna have to stop you right there! You see I'm under direct orders, from my boss, who is a TOTAL bitch by the way, that I am not to leave this room, until such time, as the Committee has left the building. I was even bribed." He continued smugly, "Imagine that."

Integra replied, "Alucard, you Vampiric asshole, I WILL-"

Alucard, "Yeah, sounds great but I've really got to go now. I just cued up an episode of 'Adventure Time' on Netflix. Bye." He hung up.

Integra called up Walter instead. Meanwhile, the four children of the Underlords made their way up from the basement, and into the hallway.

Junior said, "One day. Can't go one day, in Hellsing Manor, without Uncle Alucard, acting like a Jackass!" He lifted up his scythe, "Also can't go one day in Hellsing Manor, without someone tryin' to attack!"

Minnie simply replied, "That's England for you, Mon Fére."

Meanwhile, Alucard was enjoying his cartoons, when the wall blew up. He said, "That was a seventy-inch... Plasma screen TV." He inhaled, "So, how can I help you?!"

Then, the culprit identified himself as Luke Valentine. Then, they fight.

Meanwhile, on the third floor, Integra was calm. She said, "Alright everyone. Walter and his assistant should be here anytime. Our four young, underworld compatriots, should be taking of everything on the first two floors."

Penwood said, "But if there's no way to get upstairs, how will they-" He was then hit on the face, by the Police Girl's ass. It was painful... Yet enjoyable.

Then, Jan met Walter. Walter said, "Hello. My name is Walter . Ex-Vampire Hunter, and butler to the Hellsing organization." He put on his gloves, "I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash. And I also kill self-entitled little twats, like yourself."

Then, after the Police Girl killed off a few Ghouls, the children of the Underlords arrived. Then, every Ghoul from the first floor, was dead. The Police Girl had Jan in a tight grip.

Walter asked, "I must say, wherever DID, you learn that hold?"

The Police Girl said sarcastically, "Oh wow! It's almost like, I'm a Police Girl or something!"

Walter replied, "Sarcasm is unbecoming of you."

Jan said, "Wow. Gee Willikers mister! I sure am sorry for slaughtering all your guards and tearing up your mansion! I guess I learned my lesso-" Junior rammed his scythe into Jan's hand. Jan screamed, "Geez! Don't they have jokes in Thad damn underworld?!"

Junior replied, "Aye, we do. But most of them, are about two certain people who could bring an end to the Mortal World." He turned the scythe, and carved a symbol into Jan's hand. He said, "Now, yer going to tell me us, everything we want to know, or I carve the meanin' o pain, right into BOTH o' yer hands, AND somewhar FAR more painful!"

Jan said, "Alright! Alright! What you do... Is go into your mortal body, go down to the local drug store, ask for a little something called Viagra... And it'll help you GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

Then, Jan jumps up, and opens a door. He says, "And now for the upcoming company picnic! Unfortunately all your douchebag co-workers brought is their own rotten flesh! Still better than the potato salad if you ask me. Now if'n you don't mind.." He jumped, "IMMA GO EAT THAT HELLSING BITCH!"

Walter extended his wires, and grabbed Jan's arm. He said, "I've got your arm!"

Jan replied, "So shove it up your ass!" The arm then broke off.

The Underlords' children looked at this. Chi said, "I'm gonna be sick!"

Walter, in fear and disgust said, "No no no! Not on the new carpet!"

Chi fell on the floor, and saw the arm slowly onto the floor. She said, "Too late." Then, she puked her guts out, on the floor. The others all commented, "Gross!"

Then, Jan burst through the door to the conference room, and saw them. He saw Integra, Irons, Penwood, and the entire council, pointing guns at him. He said, "That's not fair at all!"

Integra said, "I'm sorry." She held up her gun, "We don't give a FUCK!"

Then they all opened fire. Then, Jan had so many holes in his body, you could mistake him for Swiss Cheese. He said, "FUCK! Where the fuck did my Ghouls go?!"

Walter looked down at Jan, "Oh. They've been dealt with."

The Police Girl was seen tearing the Ghoul army apart. Jan commented, "Well at least I'm gonna die, with a raging boner."

Integra walked up, and said, "Alright, Shit-for-Brains! You're going to tell me everything I want to know, or else I'll have Walter here peel your dick LIKE A BANANA!"

Junior, who had his scythe at the ready, said, "And I can guarantee, quite the sentence in Hell for Ye, given the time."

Jan laughed. He said, "I don't know what I find fuckin' funnier!" He pointed to Integra, "That you think your tit-less ass intimidates me," he looked at Junior, "That you think your boney Scottish ass is the least bit threatening..." He stood up completely, "Or that you all think my boss would let me live, if you did!" He was set ablaze, "And now I'm on fucking FIRE! So, it's FREE GAME! THE ONES WHO SENT ME, WERE... " it went to a whisper, "Nazis." As he burned to dust, and flipped them off.

Integra said, "I heard George Lucas. Who else heard George Lucas?"

Minnie said, "I heard Internet Trolls."

Mimi said, "I heard Keemstar."

Chi said, "I heard American Politicians."

Junior said, "I heard my mother."

Walter said, "I heard Miami Heat."

Police Girl said, "I heard the Motley Crüe, with my me Vampire Hearing."

Integra said, "Wait! Where's the BIG brother?"

In Alucard's cell, Luke Valentine was, supposedly, winning. Then Alucard made him cry like a little bitch. He shot off, one of Luke's legs.

The Champion of Hellsing said in a sadistic voice, "You know they say that TV, makes you violent." He grabbed the leg he shot off, and said, "But I'd say not having my TV, IS MAKING ME PRETTY FUCKING VIOLENT!" He then crushed the leg, and shot the other one off.

Luke said, "Gotta get to the stairs! If I can just get to the stairs, I can-" he saw all the stairs that there were, "Aww FUCK!'

Alucard said, "Come on! You were talking all that good shit a second ago." He grabbed the other leg, "But then I blew both of your FUCKING LEGS OFF!" He then crushed it.

Luke questioned, "But I... You... What the fuck?!"

Alucard said, "What's wrong 'demigod'? Just grow back your legs! Summon up your demons! Hit me! FIGHT ME! Give me a HUG."

Luke said, "Really?"

Alucard smiled, and ripped him apart. He talked over the phone saying, "Angry on Epic Meal Time! I'm Foul Boss, and tonight... We're cooking up this little blonde, wanna be demigod bitch!"

Penwood asked, "Who... Is that exactly?"

Junior, who decided to join in on the meeting, said, "Oh tha'? That's my Uncle Alucard! The one Ye were all talking about? THIS, is wha' happens, when EVERYONE, in my family has to entertain ourselves." He smirked, "Now... That issue, with Hellsing's funding?"

The council all said, "Issue? What issue?" Another said, "I see no issue." One final one, "Shut up and take our money!"

Later, Alucard said over the phone, "And like that. Everything turned out alright."

Integra said, "Yes. Perfectly fine. Except that over 90% of our staff were killed, turned into Ghouls, and killed again by the Police Girl in a blood rage!"

Police Girl asked, "What's a blood rage? And why don't I remember anything?"

Junior said, "Probably best Ye don't remember."

Alucard said, "That reminds me, for whatever reason, did we ever find out who sent them?"

A silence filled the room. Alucard said, "It was the Nazis wasn't it?"

Integra replied, "No!" Alucard, "Bet you I'm right!" Integra, "Bet you you're wrong!" Alucard, "Bet you you're a skank." Integra, "Bet you you're an asshole!"

Alucard had enough, "BITCH I EAT PEOPLE!"

(A/N: Okay. That's two episode of Abridged done. AND JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Now, I'm going to tell you this. I'm going to finish up my other stories. I have to finish my FanFics, before I can do something, I've been trying to do, for two months. I've created an entire other universe for Grim Tales, and I'm trying to get Bleedman's attention, so I can make my alternate universe, the official alternate universe for Grim Tales. Thousands of comics, have alternate universes, and I wanted to do something official, for a webcomic that I love as much as the other fans. But, I need to finish my FanFics first. Plus, I have one more, Grim Tales FanFic in my head. But, before I can do it... I need the series to progress further, so I can know all the children, of the 'Big Five.' But, I have other, non-Grim Tales Fics to work on. So I'll have to work on those. Plus, the next two chapters of this story, as well ad my other Grim Tales/Hellsing crossover, maybe delayed. As I have no idea, where Junior, Minnie, and the other Grim Tales characters would be, at the time of Hellsing Ultimate episodes 4-8. Where do you guys think they would be, at that time. Well, I got stuff to do, so I best get to it. Commander out. Peace to the US and Russia!)


	3. AN: YouTube

Okay guys. This is here I get greedy, and ask stupid things of you, (for the millionth time). I'd like someone to talk about this story on YouTube.

This is one of my stories with the same message. I don't know how many of my readers have YouTube accounts. But I hope at least one of you that does, is willing to talk about it on YouTube.

I know it's asking a lot, but I hope to see at least one video made, talking about this story. I thank you for your time.


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